The Soulmate Myth

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A 2011 Marist poll found that 73% of Americans believed in a soulmate, the idea that "two people...are destined to be together," with fully 80% of those under 30 taking this view. For those seeking a soulmate, what matters is emotional skills and the ability to spark romantic or sexual chemistry.

No one person, no one relationship, can give us great pleasure and great happiness all (or even most) of the time. Couples who embrace the soulmate model are often left disappointed by the real-world realities of love and marriage. As Stanley writes, "Soulmate-ism conveys an expectation of heavenly connection that makes earthbound relationships more difficult."

Men and women who buy into the soulmate model appear more likely to end up divorced.

https://www.wsj.com/articles/dont-buy-the-soulmate-myth-563d4a6c (https://archive.ph/VqeCH)

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Attachment theory stems from the field of developmental psychology. It is the notion that in the first year of life, the ways in which a parent and caregiver respond to a child's needs shape a child's expectation of relationships across their lifespan.

In childhood, when a parent is consistent and responsive in tending to their child, the child learns that their parent can be counted on in times of need. These expectations and beliefs about relationships are then internalized as a blueprint, sometimes in popular media referred to as a "love map." Just like how an architect uses a blueprint to design a building, a child's attachment to their parents provides a blueprint for understanding how to approach other relationships.

In research we see that people who had consistent, reliable and sensitive parents are more likely to have more positive relationships—including friendships, teacher-child relationships and yes, romantic relationships too.

https://phys.org/news/2024-04-theory-important-romantic-relationships.html