As people have even less of importance to do with their time, idol shows have taken over daytime television. "Survivor" and "American Idol" exemplify this mouth-breathing trend, where young people sing off-key or "survive" in a backyard jungle, competing with each other for their 15 minutes of fame. Every peasant dreams of being a celebrity king. But the career idols today can't sing and have nothing meaningful to say with their music. Most of them would be sodomized by primitive tribes or eaten up by tigers in a real jungle, but the TV crew is there to prevent natural selection. These wannabes seek TV fameto express their egos - and the audience watches to forget their own boring peon days. It's the perfect lifestyle for producers and corporate bosses alike, because they make big bucks on your misery through shows that are cheap to produce. You think you'll become famous? Think again.

Read Alex Birch's latest column:

King For A Day