Scientists in Austria claim to have solved one of the oldest engimas in all of civilization: how to make the square peg fit the round hole. A small team from the University of Lederhosen in Schwarzenbratwurst announced their breakthrough in an exclusive interview with our reporters. If confirmed, the implications could fundamentally alter the way we think about the universe.

A chief researcher from the university explained that "After hours of testing, formulating theoretical models, conducting statistical surveys and programming mathematical algorithms into our advanced computers, in the end it all came together quite quickly." He continued, "It happened once we noticed all the square pegs we were using were painted blue, whilst the round holes were all red! It was an amazing discovery and really, entirely elementary! All we need now do is repaint both pegs and holes in either red or blue, though we have yet to determine which color will yield the best results, and all will be solved!"

Scientists and politicians everywhere have hailed the work of the Austrian troup, even before it has recieved widespread backing from their peers. President of the European Science Commission José Whatshisface described it as a "milestone in the history of civilization". "The scrutiny of the materialist ideals are at last put beyond doubt" he added, "We dreamt of this day and it has finally come. This is the triumph of modern sciences over logic and reason!"

Elaborating on their findings, the scientists told us "We have not yet had the chance to witness the successfulness of our theories within the test environment, but we are confident they will be corroborated by the evidence." As they wound down the press conference we asked them what use did they think these findinds could be to the public at large? "Our work will change the way we all think about the universe and the way things are meant to be. Quite how yet, we do not know. It's a brave new world of knowledge out there! Anything at all is possible if we simply deem it real!"