Chairman of the United States Association of Chinese Buffet Restaurants and Disgusting Eating Habits (USACBRDEH), Richard Wang, made a shocking announcement today in a press conference meant to discuss new standards and the use of chemicals such as MSG. What he suggested in addition to the talk of chemical additives has many confused, disgusted, and appalled.

"Too long have I sat in Chinese restaurants across this great nation and left uneasy with a churning stomach. And it hasn't been the food: I am appalled at our customer base. Entire families of slovenly creatures who are disturbingly overweight will eat at our establishments no longer!"

Mr. Wang then went on to explain the details of his radical new plan to battle the obesity epidemic. The new plan proposes that every disgusting family of more than 3 morbidly obese people, 2 or more being children, will not be served in USACBRDEH restaurants.

There is a stipulation, however: these families can still be served if they are willing to give up the oldest child, who will then be slaughtered, cooked, and prepared for the family. If the family is still hungry after the first child—and they most certainly will be—they can also give up the second, third, and any others, if necessary.

Wang insists that his new plan is a necessary measure in a long line of changes for a better future. After somewhat of an uproar, he continued. "Listen: the whole reason we started putting MSG in the food in the first place was to get Mr. and Mrs. Fatass out of our restaurants faster. Obviously that's not working. The desire to over-eat and be lazy comes from somewhere deeper inside them. It's in their genes. These genes must be cleansed, and what better way than for them to do it themselves by eating their young? While most of us don't want kill idiots and slobs on our own, everyone wants a healthier population. This is a step in the right direction."

White-power groups, knowing that a good chunk of those eliminated will be overweight whites, are outraged and claim racism. The ignorant skin heads are claiming that the goal is to wipe out the White Race one disgusting fatty at a time.

"Absurd," Wang says. "If a hundred, a thousand, or a million white trash have to die, then so be it. The goal is not the obliteration of a race. The goal is a healthier gene pool for all."

"We will not be taking members of just any family, but we will not discriminate on terms of race or economic status. A slob is a slob. We will only select the fattest and plumpest—for efficiency, of course—from terrible, worthless families of willing eaters. What I propose is not barbarism. Rather, I propose that people either not eat/eat less, or wipe out their genes. It's win-win, really."

Flesh connoisseurs see no harm done.

"Human served Chinese style? I'd love to try it! You wouldn't believe how good things like human spaghetti are. I can only imagine General Tso's served on a pile of fried rice!"